so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
