My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
