He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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