OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
