i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
