So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
