I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
