Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
