Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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