I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
