i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
