Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
