then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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