you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
