I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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