Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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