gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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