i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
