The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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