Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize