i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
