Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
