anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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