just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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