So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
