Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
