Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
