A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
