Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize