I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up under a house in Key West
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
