I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
