Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
