cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Terrible idea I love it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
