My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
