strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
