The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
