Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
