and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's official drugs can't kill me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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