I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
