I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize