Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
