Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
