my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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