there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
