I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
