Non-Jews are for practice
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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