I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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