My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
