Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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