wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Be still, my beating vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
