We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
