Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
