I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize