i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
