is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just threw up on my dentist
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
