I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I did not marry a roomba.
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