His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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