I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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