Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
