You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
