There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
