Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
