Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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