I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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