no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize