i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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