he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
