I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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