look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
