Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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