In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what day is it and did you see me today?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
