I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
